Friday, April 17, 2009

I'm Just Not Getting It

Everyday I wake up with all good intentions of being on track. I know what to do. I know what it takes to lose weight. I have been doing this since July 29, 2007. I haven't been perfect. I have had detours, but this particular detour that I am taking is especially long, winding and moves treacherously close to a cliff with a steep drop to fatdom come. I don't know why this is happening. Not sure why I can't wrap my brain around getting these last pounds off. I want to. I want to be a Lifetime member. But, apparently I want BROWNIES a lot more...


I woke up to a beautiful sunny morning! So terrific! I wanted to go on an outdoor run this morning, but ended up getting sidetracked with housework, so I headed to the elliptical for a weighted (18 lbs.) 30 minutes and then did 10 minutes of weights and tricep dips. Before my workout, I had a breakfast from the freezer. I found some whole wheat pumpkin blueberry pancakes that I had made a while back. Luckily, I wrapped them well, so they were in perfect eating condition. I had 2 with some low cal syrup for 2 POINTS...



Then I nibbled on some chocolate covered almonds (no pic). Mistake #1 !

Even though it was such a beautiful day, I ended up spending most of it inside :( Hate that! Did some more house cleaning, then made some lunch. I have been craving salmon again. Last time I was at the grocery store, I picked up this...

The nutritionals are great: 60 cal. and 1.5 gr. fat per serving which is 1 POINT. The bag serves 2, so even if you ate the whole thing, it's only 3 POINTS. A healthy bargain! I decided to make this into salmon salad. I mixed in a bit of onion, chopped celery, dijon mustard, 1 tbsp. lite mayo, fresh parsley and a squirt of lemon. I wish I had fresh dill - it would have been perfect in here! I served the salad on an Ezekiel Sprouted Grain Bun with a side of cantaloupe and 1 oz. Penny Sticks Honey Wheat Pretzels for an AMAZING 8 POINT lunch...


I heart salmon salad...

I spent the rest of the afternoon prepping for pizza night and hanging outside with the daughters. Oh, and snacking. I kept moving back and forth from pantry to fridge. The damage was deep. Pretzel sticks, more chocolate covered almonds, lite string cheese, pepperoni. The stuff cellulite is made of. I felt my hips widening with every bite. Mistake #2.
I made a healthy pizza for dinner. Why, you say? Beats me. Dare I say, to "try to get back on the wagon"??? Yes, I will say it. Not buyin it? Yeah, me neither.
I bought some spelt flour a while ago and thought I would make pizza dough with it. Here's the recipe I used (adapted from www.recipezaar.com):
  • 2 c. spelt flour
  • 1 1/2 tsp. yeast
  • 1 tsp. baking powder
  • 1/2 tbsp. olive oil
  • 1 tsp. honey
  • 2/3 c. warm water

I mixed all the ingredients in my stand mixer until a dough formed. I did need to add a bit more water to have it all come together. I thought the baking powder was a strange addition , but I did read that wheat -free crusts have a tendency to not rise very much, so I believe this may have helped along with the yeast in that department. I left the dough to rise, which it did quite a bit, then spread it into a well greased (with cooking spray) pizza pan. I always pre-bake my crusts before topping and I did with this one also. I put it in a 450 degree oven for about 15 minutes. Then, I topped it with my homemade pizza sauce, fresh baby spinach, fresh mushrooms and about 1/2 c. part skim mozzarella. I ran the pizza dough ingredients through the Recipe Builder and came up with 4 POINTS per serving (4 servings). With my toppings, 2 slices came to 8 POINTS. I served it with some salad dressed with Kraft Light Three Cheese Ranch for another 1 POINT...


Very filling and very delicious. I really liked the way this crust came out. It was light in texture, yet hearty enough to hold up the toppings. It had a mellow taste; lighter and a bit less bitter than whole wheat crusts come out sometimes. If you're looking for a new pizza dough recipe, give this a try! And if you're gluten-free, this is your dough!


To end my evening, I had this...


Plus another few bites of the "hard, crunchy edges" that no one wants to eat. I totally talked little daughter into making these with me. Mistake #3. I labeled it "an experiment" as I wanted to try to use up some plain nonfat yogurt in the fridge that was on it's last legs (plus I'm not a fan of plain yogurt anyway)and thought I would mix it with a box of regular brownie mix that I just happened to have lying around. This is the way to make No Pudge brownies, but I wondered if it would work for a regular brownie mix. Well, it works. They are good and fudgy. I will call them Fat Ass Brownies. I have no idea of the POINTS; I was too lazy to calculate and not inclined to think that it even mattered at this point. The husband and daughters liked them and wolfed down quite a few which is good for me. Less to look at tomorrow when I "begin again".
This up and down is exhausting me mentally. I'm not sure what to do to get my fires burning again for more than a day or two. I am heading to my WW meeting tomorrow morning; maybe that will do it. I'm hoping after I see the number from the scale on my member book, in black and white, that it will give me the wake up call I need. I peeked on my own scale today and it's not looking good. At all.
Sorry to be such a downer tonight. I know I just have to keep trying. I know I say it over and over, but I don't seem to be getting it. But, I'm going to keep doing it. Keep trying. Keep starting everyday with resolve to stay on program. Fake it til I make it =)

15 comments:

Sharon said...

I have never tried no pudge brownies before, they look great though. And mmm, everything looks awesome - great job with the pizza!

And yes to salmon!

The Incredible Shrinking Family said...

I hate days like that ! But they happen and all we can do is get up and try again.

With the spelt flour- the reason you have to add baking soda is because it has no gluten. Gluten is this stuff that basically acts like bubble gum to trap in the gas from the yeast. With no gluten, no bubble and you get bread like bricks. This is one reason most commercial bakeries went to white bread- high gluten, ,beautiful loaf, and add sugar to get that wonderful brown crust. Baking soda does a chemical reaction that somewhat traps the yeast gas and you wind up with an adequate rising dough. Sounds weird, ,but it is not.
I hold up my crossed fingers at the brownies, saying "get back !" I am sick and chocolate anything seems like medicine to me !

Gina said...

I never had salmon salad before, gotta try that! Orlando was great but very crowded. Hard to eat good when you are away so I couldn't wait to have a home cooked meal.

Learning to Cope w/ Eating and College said...

I dont know how much of a help I can be, but I sit for a couple that are both on the weight watchers program. They both have been on and off of it for the entire time I have been watching their kids... 5yrs!! I think that it is working more for the mom than the dad, but I dont really know!! I think all you need to do is realize that feeling "thin" is better than any food can taste!! I know that sounds weird, but that also helped me get out of my bingy state!! Hope it helps!! :)

Vickie said...

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time of it. I hate that feeling of knowing you need to get back on plan, fully intending to do so and yet continuing to raise your hand, full of food, to your mouth...oh yeah, I know that feeling.

The pizza looks fabulous!!!

Sue said...

Hi my friend. I am right with you in the good intentions gone bad. I can't stand how I can't seem to have even three good days in a row anymore, much less a whole week. Why on earth is it so hard???

But we have to keep trying, and we will make our goal some day. Right now that day is in a galaxy far, far away, for me. :) But I will never stop trying, and you can't either. COme on, we can do this! :)

Kari said...

I swear you make the best looking pizza ever. Mine always look and taste like crap so I think I need to take some tips from you. lol.
Don't have much for encouraging words other than to just keep on trying. I feel like I've been in trying mode forever as well. Always saying the next day I'll do great but slipping up here or there. It's easy to get down on ourself. It's easier for us to point out the bad vs. the good things that we did or didn't do. Just continue to take it one day at a time.

Fit & Losing Weight said...

Hang in there! My words of encouragement: Your weight loss journey starts in your heart. What you really want to accomplish for yourself...then how are you going to get there? How bad do you want it? Every single day and every single snack/meal is about good decisions that will get your to your "best body"- You rock, keep on going Marisa!

Kathi said...

Not sure if it helps but you are not alone with your demons. All you can do is keep trying. Beatin yourself and putting yourself down will not help me move forward. Just know that we all lose our way. Make sure you have wonderful people around you, which I am sure you do that will support you every step of the way.
The best thing about weight loss and the journey is that we have an opportunity each day to start fresh. I would worry when you just stop trying or caring!!

hugs!!

kathi

Melissa said...

Ok, I totally get where you coming from. I am doing this ALL THE TIME lately. I mean, I'm so close to my goal and I keep eating things I know I shouldn't and things I know I can eat more once I get to my goal. Yesterday was such a GOOD day and then in the evening there was no one home and I got into the chocolate and DUDE you don't want to know how much I ate!!! : ( But, this is where you supposed to forget about yesterday, it's done, there's no use dwelling on it and beating yourself up about it. Just think about today and eat your normal healthy meals. You will be just fine!! : )

LK- Healthy Delicious said...

don't beat yourself up- those last few pounds are HARD!!! And maintaining...gosh, its like "ok I'm not fat anymore so why can't I eat all the yummy stuff that I want again?" You just have to find the right balance. I had to give up counting points because it was making me crazy. I let myself have a little of whatever it is that i want, but if its not as good as i was expecting I make myself stop eating it. Its just not worth it! You can do it!!

I always wondered if you could do that with regular brownie mix. Its at least less points than eggs and oil would be...

princessvalecia said...

I see u and me pretty much adore Ezekiel breads!

Sarah said...

I'm so glad you are so honest! It really helps me out too :) This is hard and I do the same things as you did today, the extra crunchy brownie edges, that is funny, I do it as well.

The salmon looks great!

Amanda said...

Marisa - I have a few comments for you! First, I joined 5/5/07 and have lost about 80 lbs (very similar to your start date and weight loss, right??).

2nd thing, have you tried doing the simply filling (core) method? I did the core once last year for a few months and loved it! And I am currently doing the simply filling technique now (minus last week). Last week was a train wreck.

But when I feel like I am not staying on plan and am getting discouraged, switching to this other technique really does the trick. And there are so many wonderful meals you can make. What do you think??

Good luck!

Sunny said...

I hear you, I'm in a slump myself right now. Planning to get on the wagon again Monday... bathing suit season will be here soon!! The pizza you made looks amazing and so do your F. A. Brownies. :)